A common theme for sensitive, gifted, warm-hearted, high-achieving women is the fear of looking, or actually turning out to be, SELFISH.
They may have been called selfish, self-centered, demanding and “too much” when they have expressed themselves. When they have acted selfishly, they may have mistakenly considered it an innate character flaw vs. an occasional human behavior.
The thing I love about big-hearted high-achievers is that they usually are highly adept at channeling this fear into amazing success while also being helpful to society.
But when they are ready to do deeper work, when the sheen of achievement wears off and burnout comes rearing its head, this topic comes up in spades. And sublimation becomes less effective. True healing is necessary.
A lot of our work is getting in touch with and trusting their body. The very same bodies that they are often trying to flee while they are busy achieving from their mind. Forgetting—often at a young age tied to a multitude of experiences, conditioning and often trauma—that being in our bodies is our birthright and the key to your joy.
Being in your body allows you to actually FEEL the external successes. To follow your intuition and wisdom toward the next challenge. All while being content in the present. It stops the mindless achievement and allows you to enjoy YOUR felt desires and actions. It creates boundless space to explore rather than chasing a high, stuck on a hedonic treadmill.
Embodiment allows us to truly explore what it means to be self-centered. Centered in self. To be so, no matter how it appears to others. You can truly be yourself and create from your vision. You are no longer trapped in your defenses of either people pleasing or demanding from others. You are open to living freely without controlling outcomes nor managing others’ reactions.
The polar opposite of a selfish person.
This work always allows for a more reciprocal relationship with yourself and others. It is a crucial step with attaining inner and outer freedom.
When I think of my many years supporting self development, the clients who are the most successful in accomplishing their desires, visions and heartfelt goals are the ones that become more “self-centered.” The common denominator for all of my longer-term clients is a relentless search for freedom while also honoring their human hearts. Sometimes freedom is overtly expressed as their core value, but often it is not. One of the common blind spots, however, is not seeing how many obstacles they have created by “trying” to get free from their biggest fears vs. deepening and centering into themselves and finding their freedom naturally.
This is often the work of a lifetime for so many high-achieving professionals. Softly letting go of the ties that bind them. Unlearning and detaching from the false, collective illusions of success on others’ terms. Trusting their unique capacities, talents and grit to jump into the natural flow of the river of life. Success then comes wholeheartedly.
When you are ready to stop performance from pressure, perfection and people pleasing and achieve what your heart desires on your terms and with unwavering support, I’d love to chat.
In the meantime, enjoy listening to some wise advice sung by Florence + The Machine, “Just keep following the Heartlines on your hand.”
May you find the majesty,